...and I am not a village. No parent equals a trained feeding professional. (Unless of course, you are a trained feeding professional but you aren't the people I'm talking about.)
First, my apologies for a waaaay longer than intended hiatus from writing this blog. I won't bore you with the details but the super abridged version of why I didn't get to write it this: high risk pregnancy, bought new house in new town, birth of precious daughter (full term this time!!!), Buster started preschool and life just got away from me for a bit. Now, I am back and I'm so grateful for all of the mommies who have been in touch with me through this blog...I am recommitting to continuing to share out story.
So, after so much progress with Buster's eating last year we made a few choices I now regret. At the end of July (2013) he was doing well trying new foods. He was not eating the volume of food we wanted but we were making slow and steady progress. We bought a house in a new school district that we were more comfortable with because Buster was due to begin Early Childhood Special Education (the next step after Early Intervention in Illinois) Preschool in September. At age 3, they move from EI to ECSE. We made a GREAT choice...we could not be happier with his school. But it did move us far enough away from our therapists that we weren't able to continue services with them. ECSE preschool is for children who require special education or are at risk for learning/developmental impairments once they are in "real school". Buster is receiving speech therapy and physical therapy at school. He isn't getting occupational therapy because his fine motor skills are good and in the way that the school district looks at it, his ability to learn isn't impaired by any occupational needs. (This is something I am going to address with them as we make his Individual Education Plan (IEP) for next year's preschool year). He's also getting some help with his social skills...he's a painfully shy kid. He really shuts down in groups of kids. So, they are helping work on that. Something that the school's therapy does NOT offer is help with his feeding. It doesn't effect him academically so (understandably) it's something they don't deal with.
My husband and I decided we would see how it goes without therapy beyond what he was getting at school. We had a newborn, Buster was doing reasonably well...we just thought it was time to try it alone. But at some point in the chaos of moving, bringing our daughter into the world, Buster starting preschool, holidays, blah, blah, blah....feeding progress stopped. He really does eat a pretty nice variety of fruits, vegetable and grains. Proteins are not his strong suit. Cottage cheese, yogurt, peanut butter, cheese...those are things he likes and his main sources of protein. He will eat some deli turkey and ham. He'll eat hot dogs (don't judge me...I get the preservative free kind). And he will eat chicken nuggets. But he won't eat any other meat in any form. He will SOMETIMES eat scrambled eggs. Sometimes.
Here's the problem, it's not that he won't eat things...he just won't eat ENOUGH of anything. He'll happily take a few bites of lots of foods but to get an entire meal into him takes, at minimum, an hour and a lot of struggle. He feeds himself a few bites but I still feed him the majority of his meals. This HAS TO STOP, he will be four this summer. We are much better about yelling than we were two years ago. Occasionally, it still happens. But, even without yelling, there is frustration, pleading and general discontent from all parties at the table. Particularly our nearly 8 month old daughter who does not want to be in the kitchen for an hour and a half every night while her brother refuses bites of food. One of us will usually take her in another room while the other works with Buster but if it's only one of us home at a meal time, she's stuck and it isn't fair to her.
Somewhere along the way we also stopped the rewards charts. (SHAME ON US!) He was putting a sticker on a chart for each bite. The sticker itself was the reward because the kids loves stickers. As of today, I have brought the rewards chart back but in a new way. He's outgrown the old system. He's going to get a sticker for each item he eats in its entirety on his plate...eat all of your peaches, get a sticker. And after 10 stickers he will get a "prize". I bought a basket full of inexpensive toys/stickers/crafty things to entice him. I am also going to add cards for things like "go to the library", "go to the park", "ride your bike for 15 minutes", "play with the water table"...all things that we would probably do anyway but things he loves so he'll work for them (I hope) and as this brutal winter ends, the list of prizes can get longer because we can spend more time outside doing fun things. On Halloween we discovered that he likes some candy...M&M's specifically. So we always offer him 4 or 5 M&M's to get those last few bites in him at the end of a meal. We'll keep doing that. He'll have a longer term goal (10 stickers) and an immediate goal for that meal (M&M's).
TV...I think it's become a hindrance. It used to be the only was we could distract him enough to get him to eat. Now, he's more interested in TV than eating. I've been playing a game of "take a bite or I'm pausing your show" but I'm getting REALLY tired of pausing Curious George 100 times a meal. I think instead we are going to slowly take it away. He'll get one episode per meal and then it gets shut off. Last night I shut it off and told him it was because he needed to concentrate on eating. He wasn't happy about it but after a few minutes of a fit, the rest of the meal MAY have went a little faster. Maybe.
Anyway, I've made a long story long and here's the end result. Yesterday, we went to a pediatric therapy facility in our new home town and had him assessed. I've already talked in previous posts about Buster having Sensory Processing Disorder. It is so, so different from child to child. Buster's sensory problems are much less obvious than they used to be. He will cover his ears from time to time with loud noises and he doesn't like the tv too loud. But, he doesn't flip out if the vacuum is running anymore. He is happy to have wet, sticky paint on his hands for art projects now...that didn't used to be the case. I can pour bath paint all over him in the tub and he thinks it's great. BUT, the SPD remains. There are still things he doesn't want to eat because he doesn't like the feel of it...a muffin with a sticky top, peanut butter and jelly if it squeezes too much outside of the bread...things like that. He still HATES to be upside down. He doesn't like swings at the park, never has. He has "low tone" which essentially means general muscle weakness. He is easily frustrated with himself when he is trying to accomplish a task...he's too hard on himself. He will often yell "it's not perfect!!!" when he doesn't trace a letter perfectly or paint something as well as he wants. I'm trying to stop myself from saying things are "perfect". He doesn't need to be perfect, he just needs to try hard! That's really all that matters. I'm trying to get him to understand that idea.
All of these (plus more) things still add up to SPD which is at the root of his feeding problem. So, back to occupational therapy we go! And I'm THRILLED. I thought we could do it without help. I thought we were to a point that it was manageable. But, I'm here to tell ya...we can't. We aren't there. So woooohoooo for therapists! BRING IT ON! I need help. I need support. I need my kid to eat and I can't make it happen so I will do everything in my power to help my child. I need more village, so I found it.
PS: The OT also said his shyness might be part SPD. I think 50% of it is just his personality. He is a shy kid. His dad was a shy kid too. I also think 50% may be sensory overload and he gets overwhelmed and shuts down around groups of people/kids. So, I'm hopeful beginning therapy again will help him overcome social anxiety as well. Fingers crossed.
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